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Conflict is rarely considered fun. The consequence of business conflicts can range from bad word of mouth to severed relationships and worse. Generally our response to conflict falls into one of two areas. Some people flee from conflict by avoiding it or denying it exists. Others attack by spreading stories about their dissatisfaction or at the furthest extreme file lawsuits to obtain justice or satisfaction. Choosing a different, principled response to conflict is comprehensively productive for your business, but there is little information on what such a response looks like. We all want to behave ethically and do what's right, in our personal and our business and professional lives. A principled response to conflict allows our response to be productive and respectful to our clients, our employees, and our competitors.
The most familiar solutions to broken contractual agreements and lawsuits are mediation, settlement conferences, and durable agreements. While these solutions are excellent at addressing the mundane symptoms of the conflict, they leave the root causes of the conflict undiscovered and unaddressed. The product is broken relationships and often a harboring of the perceived injuries we sustained. The law cannot deliver a solution to conflict that addresses perceived injustices. If we are to find a permanent solution to a conflict, we need to determine the root cause.
Conflict starts with our deepest hopes and expectations. We all want things from others – and are invariably disappointed. Our response, in our personal lives and in our work, is seldom to recall that the only behavior we can control is our own. Rather, we find ourselves increasingly frustrated. As the frustration we feel increases, we find ourselves in treacherous waters. At this point, it is irrelevant if our wants are virtuous or immoral, if our goal is world peace or vengeance, we find ourselves at the first point where we can decide against conflict. We can decide against maintaining and feeding our disappointment in those who are failing to measure up to our expectations. However, a continuing legacy of unmet expectations often results in deep and abiding disappointment.
Our hurt and disappointment develop deeply, and we begin to rationalize our wants as entitlements and then necessities. We elevate the needs we feel and they become more important than people we care about, and we demand satisfaction. When we find ourselves at this point, it is vital to stop our justifications and consider where our satisfaction lies. The sole solution to conflicts, personal or business, lies in turning away from the wants and needs we maintain we are due. To accurately determine the source of our unhappiness we need to accurately reflect on what expectations we are holding and our response when they go unmet. This is easier said than done, but the rewards of this discipline are many.
Everyone encounters conflict regularly. I will continue to share with you tools and concepts to help as you encounter conflicts in your work and personal life. My goal is to show how conflict provides a wonderful opportunity to learn to behave ethically and respectfully in business. As an added benefit, as you learn to live work in this manner, clients, suppliers, and competitors will take notice and your business will prosper.
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